In the interest of being honest with myself (because this is just who I am), I have to add a little disclaimer to this blog. I actually sometimes struggle looking at other people’s blogs because they always capture happy moments and stories, and I find myself wondering, “How do these people do this—being happy all the time? What is wrong with me?” If you don’t have that problem, please stop reading, you don’t need to know any more!
This week has been a real struggle! I don’t love change, but it’s especially hard as a mom to see my children struggle with change, and all three of my girls have shown some effects of the stress of all of this. It is particularly hard for me to see Campbelle, who REALLY hates change, struggle through this, because she understands the least. She still struggles with sleep, wants to go home, and is actually developing a noticeable stutter, as if her brain just can’t process it all. When it gets too much, she gives up on what she is trying to say with a whimper of exasperation, slumps her shoulders, and asks for her “blee and pah” (blankee and pacifier—yes, they are alive and well in our lives, still). It breaks my heart. Hopefully, this will all get easier, but the knowledge that we don’t get to go home after this makes it all the lonelier. Here I am in one of the most beautiful places a person could be, and I’m walking around in a sleep deprived haze! Most nights, I go to bed with a few tears, wishing more than anything for Campbelle’s bedroom and bed, so that she can have a little bit of security, and we can both have a much needed good night’s sleep!
With that said, I guess posting pictures on a blog is a little like sending a postcard to myself--a little glimpse of the beauty around me and the happy moments amidst the struggle. I keep a prayer in my heart for inspiration on how to help everyone, including myself, adjust, find the joy, and hold onto it. When I fall short, I’ll just get up the next day and try again. In the meantime, I am grateful for my little family, the funny moments, and a cell phone that lets me cry on a shoulder once in a while!
7 comments:
Jen, you are such a trooper! I can't imagine how hard that situation must be for you. Give sweet Campbelle a kiss. I tend to blog mostly about happy things, but that's not always how I feel...in fact, Kjell is gone for 15 hours a day, I'm 9 mos. prego, and my boys take every ounce of my energy and patience. Maybe it would be therapuetic to make my blog a little more "real". Thanks for the inspiration!
I loved this post by the way. It is true. I tend to blog more about the happy, but sometimes it is just plain hard and not happy. It has been a struggle here for me, it is a beautiful amazing place, but change is super hard for me too. I have to take it day by day or I get down and overwhelmed. If I think about all we have to do, how far away we are and that everything is foreign than I will freak out. I agree about posting things that are real...because your real post really helped me. We miss and love you guys!! I wish we were going to the same beaches. :)
My favorite thing about you, sis, is that you are real. You aren't afraid to admit when things are difficult, even when it seems everything going on should be a grand adventure. I appreciate your honesty, and I am glad you have a cell phone as well that let's you call me. I miss you tons. You really are an inspiration and example to me. Thanks.
Okay, wait. What is going on? What big change are you going through? Did you move? I'll keep you in my prayers.
Hey Jen,
Sorry your having a hard time and the family having a hard time adjusting. I found your blog threw someone one in your family and thought I would leave a message. I hope things go better for you and your family. When things gets hard around here I have a sign that is hanging up right were I can see it, it says "When life gets hard to stand kneel". That always reminds me to pray and my heart gets soften and more patience with my Son. I am sure you do that but that is what always helps me. Check out our blog. Hope all is well with you guys. Shea
Hey Jen,
You are so amazing! I can't imagine leaving my home and friends and venturing to a new country. This is one of my friends and she has a way with words. Here's the link. She has a point. As Dr. Seuss said "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
http://branfam.blogspot.com/2009/01/cry-or-smile.html
Jenn! The feeling seems to be mutual. I got this book the other day from Deseret Book that came in one of the FHE packets. It's called Simplify. It was written for me. Actually, I think it was written for women. I think as we, too, embark on our own sort of adventure, security is hard to find. I find myself often wondering what the next 5 years holds for my little family and if I have the strength to just let it happen and know that God is God. We are celestial daughters of God, which makes us royalty. But why don't we feel that way? I get so overwhelmed with things and not knowing where to start or how to finish for the day and not feel like I completely lost a day. Heavenly Father wants us to know that it will be okay, but how do we hear Him in the wonderful noises that fill our days? That's what I can't figure out. I was talking to Adam just the other day about the blessings I have in my life. I have so many! I was saying how I don't know why I can't just remember what I do have and stop worrying so much about what I don't get done and what is going on with our lives. It's so hard to look at people and think that they have it all together. I have to stop and think to myself that maybe they are just "blogging", too. I wonder if there is going to come a time when I can actually take a shower two days in a row! Oh man. What a wonderful world it would be! But I forget how much I adore being a mom. Knowing that she looks to me for everything in life. Anyway, I kind of went off forever. I love you so much and have always looked up to you! I love knowing that you are my family!!
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